The year before my MS was diagnosed, I was running a ton. I was training for a half marathon, running 4-5 days and 15-20 miles a week, feeling good. After a lifetime of hating to run long distances, I was really growing to love it.
Except for the falls.
Over the course of 2015, I fell while running, six times. No wait, I take that back. Five times. Once was while walking. These weren’t cases of bad footing on uneven ground, or tripping on a curb or crack. These were just a foot not quite clearing flat ground, and me going down. Hard. It’s amazing that I didn’t injure myself more severely than scrapes and bruises. Well, there was injured pride too, I guess.
I found things to blame. I fell because I was out of shape (not really sure exactly how that computes, but I convinced myself it might be true anyway). Or because I had bad running form (which I still hold as true, though it was not the reason for the falls). Or maybe I was just clumsy (which I didn’t really believe, but it was an excuse that I could handle).
I didn’t know it at the time of the falls, but my MS was likely at fault. You see, numbness/tingling in the extremities, and loss of coordination are common symptoms in MS, and for many people with MS, symptoms are exacerbated by heat. Including rises in body temperature. Ya know, like when you’re 6 miles into a 10 mile training run in July.
Falling sucks. It hurts. A lot. But you know what I think is actually worse than falling? WORRYING about falling.
I didn’t put the kibosh on running immediately after my diagnosis, but right away, I did start scaling back. I quickly reached the point where I wouldn’t go for more than a couple miles at a time, and not more than a couple days a week. Then less, and less. These days, my running routine is practically nonexistent. And if I do rally enough to lace up and go, the minute I start to feel my toes getting numb, or feel like I’m not picking my feet up enough, I stop.
I could argue that it’s for my own safety, and in a roundabout way, I suppose it is. But concern for my safety isn’t what keeps me from running. It’s fear. I’m afraid I’ll fall. I’m counting on it. And the fact that I’ve let that fear dictate my choices, that pisses me off. That hurts more than scraping across pavement.
Anyway, this isn’t meant to be a sympathy ploy. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me, just as I do my damnedest not to feel sorry for myself. Or, go ahead and feel sympathy if you want to, but then do something about it. Pity is meaningless if it’s not joined by action, and there are lots of things you can do to take action. Learn about MS. Ask someone who is living with it to tell you about it. Make a donation to the National MS Society and help fund research into MS causes and treatments.
I don’t run much anymore, but maybe in my lifetime, I’ll see medical advances that will allow me or other someone else to keep doing the thing they love doing, without falling, and without fear.
I feel ya with the tingling and numbness- happened to me all the time in the military and still will with certain shoes. The worst part before you get a diagnosis is when the doctors say the reason you are numb/ tingling is because “you must be having an anxiety attack”
Hugs cousin